Don't Call us, we'll call you
by PossDownUnder
Summary: Don's fixed up a phone in the lair. Now the boys must learn how to answer the phone in a polite manner. Each turtle makes up their own idea of what being polite on the telephone means. Now complete
1. Default Chapter

**Calling Turtles**

_Part 1_

_Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or related characters. Just making that clear. _

_Also Mikey's a little over-excited in this one – just a warning. _

Donnie beamed at his family who were seated around his new invention. Well, it wasn't really something new, for Mr Bell had invented the humble telephone over 100 years earlier. But that did not cut our brainiest turtle's enthusiasm for his latest project which was now finished and ready to roll.

"Isn't that from the phone booth the purple dragons trashed last weekend when we were on patrol?" Leo questioned, the phone box in front of him, did look familiar.

"Yeah," Donnie smiled back.

"Then what's it doing down here? Won't the humans from the telephone company be looking for it?" Leo questioned, not sure if this was such a brilliant idea to have a public phone in their lair.

"Leo, they would have just thrown this baby to the tip if I hadn't got Mike and Raph to bring this back for me."

Leo turned to his brothers, "You two were involved in this?"

"Oh bite the weenie Leo, Don said he could fix it and he did," Raph said.

"Yeah, besides we've always wanted our own home phone. Won't it be cool to have it ring and we answer it?" Mikey was just as excited as Donnie over the new addition to the turtle's home.

"Who's going to ring us?" Leo asked, he didn't see the point in Donnie's latest endeavour.

"There's Casey and April for starters," Raph began.

"They both have turtle-coms; they seem to use them just fine."

"But Leo, they can call us from a normal phone and the turtle-coms can be only used when we're not home."

"They already get used when we're not at home. I don't see the big deal."

"Leo, they run on batteries. What happens when the batteries die?"

"They got to battery heaven," Mikey chuckled, earning him a poke in the ribs by Raphael.

"We bring them back to Don and he has to charge them. Until they get recharged, we can't use the turtle-coms," Raphael said.

"Oh look who's such a smarty pants turtle today boys! Since when has Donnie been charging batteries? I've never seen him doing that, have you?" Mikey turned to Leo.

There was a cough, "Please continue my son", Master Splinter encouraged Don.

"Look, we now have a home telephone, so we don't need the turtle-coms on at home which will save the batteries. Also when we're out and want to phone home."

"Who you think we are, E.T?" Leo rolled his eyes he didn't see his brothers ringing home much. Usually when they took off, it meant peace and quiet for those left behind.

"E.T. phone home," Mikey did his impersonation to Raph, who just shoved him off the chair.

"I mean if one of us goes out and you know, might want lunch outside and so we can ring back here and tell the others," Donnie said.

"Yeah we all know you're not really having any lunch at Irma's Donnie," Mikey said, making kissing noises.

"It's true, little brothers are annoying," Donnie looked at his brother, who simply poked his tongue out.

"Michealangelo!" Splinter sternly advised Mikey to stop his childish behaviour.

"Besides, I am sure Master Splinter would feel much at ease to know that we can simply call him up and tell him where we are." Donnie said looked to Splinter, who just nodded.

"Really, I don't see Raph ringing up and telling Splinter that he's letting off steam down the southern parts of New York now, do you?"

"R-a-ph-e-a-l, phone home," Mikey pretended to be ET again.

"Knock it off or I'll knock you off!" Raphael grumbled.

"Look, Mikey, make your self useful, use this old mobile phone and call this number," Donnie said, handing a phone to Mikey.

"How come he gets to do it?" Raph cried, Mikey was just going to make a spectacle of him self - as usual.

"Oh, hee hee, I get to use the mobile and Raphie is jealous!" Mikey jumped up and grabbed his chair and went round to be next to Splinter – where he knew it was safer.

"Just call the number I just gave you, Raph if you want you can answer the phone," Donnie said, noticing his brother's upset of not getting a turn.

"I hate talking to Mikey as it is why would I want to hear him on the phone?" Raph said.

"Fine, Leo or Splinter would you like a turn?" Donnie looked to those he spoke to.

"Alright," Leo got up and stood next to Don, waiting for the phone to ring.

Mikey just sat there with the mobile, laughing at Leo.

"Mikey dial the number."

"Why am I talking to Leo on this phone when he's standing right next to me and can hear me talking to him?"

"Fine go into the kitchen and call the number," Donnie was annoyed at his brother.

Mikey bounced to the kitchen and they waited, and then finally they could hear Mikey's voice, though he was not on the main phone talking to Leo.

"Hey Leo, oh, I say Leo, guess what? You can't guess can you? Didn't think you can, but I know that I was voted the sexiest turtle by at least five popular magazines. Now there was Rolling Stone, Playboy, and Turtles Monthly – now that's our own magazine – this month's special has pics of Raph in the shower, doing well in the stock market that one. "

"Michealangelo! Come out here at once," Splinter called.

"Hang on, Splinter Sensei Dude wants to talk to me, see he wants to talk to me, not you. He knows I'm the bestest turtle in the world," Mikey walked into the room. Still talking to the phone.

He didn't notice that the real Leo was not even on the phone at all. In fact the home phone had not even rung.

"Yeah hang on while I just tell Splinter. I'm talking to Leo on the phone, want me to tell him if he's not home in 30 seconds I get to kick is butt?" Mikey then looked to notice that his brother was just standing there with his arms crossed – in true Leo fashion.

"Okay, he does know that I was only joking?" Mikey whimpered to Splinter.

"Give me that!" Raph snatched the phone off his brother and spoke into the phone.

"Who is this?" He growled into the phone, he rolled his eyes at his little brother.

"Mikey, why you little! He dialled the wrong number. Guess who bozo here just called?" Raph shot to his brothers.

"Who?" Leo and Don said together.

"Oh just the local cop shop!" Raph yelled into Mikey's face.

"Opps! Must have dialled the wrong number, sorry, bros," Mikey cried innocent.

"Good one," Donnie snatched the phone and ended the call.

"Yeah they wanted to know who the hell Leo was and which page number's gone the so called photos of me in the shower?"

"Your just a little ticked off right now, aren't you Raphie. Raphie, Raphie, Raphie, good old Raphie, you know you're my favourite turtle," Mikey began; h ran around the group of chairs away from Raphael.

"There had better not be any photos of me in the shower – or else!" Raph warned, as he grabbed his brother.

"Thank you Raphael, put your brother down now. I will deal with him in a moment. Let your brother finish showing us his new project," Splinter was tired of breaking up the fights. He was also wanted to take Mikey aside and give him a good talking to about his behaviour.

"Okay, I will ring and Leo – you answer." Donnie was now frustrated by Mikey's antics.

"Okay," Leo waited for when the phone rang.

"It works." Leo said into the mouth piece.

"That's not how you answer the telephone! You're meant to say hello, tell me who you are and then ask who I am," Donnie mumbled.

"Does it matter? I know who you are and you know it's me," Leo didn't get it when they had to role play.

"I'll show him?" Mikey said, before everyone gave him a dirty look and said no.

"If I find out there's such a thing as Turtle Monthly, I'll cut off what makes you a boy turtle, and then we really will have a sister!" Raph warned.

"Raphael," Splinter warned, "I do feel that you should all be polite on the phone. Leonardo and Donetello start again.

Next morning everyone in the Turtle household was doing their usual thing when the phone rang.

"It's mine!" Mikey raced to the phone, he only beat Raph because he was closest to it at the time. Raphael stood there defeated.

"Hello, yes this is the worlds favourite mutant turtle speaking as mentioned in at least five magazines, including Turtle Monthly, which you can now by directly from me for the cost of a medium sized pizza. That's right, if you buy me a pizza, I'll give you a magazine."

"There' no such thing as Turtle Monthly and Master Splinter told you to give up on that already." Raph told his brother.

"Damn! It's for Donnie. Get Donnie," Mikey ordered his brother.

"No, give me that and you get Donnie," Raph tried to snatch the phone out of Mikey's hands.

"So you want Donnie do you? Did you know that he's got this really ugly wart on his butt? Not that I look at his butt or anything, but well, when you grow up sharing a room with someone, you just can't help but notice the little things. "

'Mikey, Donnie hasn't got a wart, let alone on his butt. And you haven't shared a room with Don since you were 8!" Raph wrestled his little brother to the ground.

"What are you two doing?" Leo just looked down at his brothers on the ground with his arms crossed.

"Brotherly bonding, what does it look like?" Raph said.

"Hey can you get Donnie, I'm kind of a little busy right now, trying to get Raph off me," Mikey said.

"DONNIE!" Leo called out into the lair.

"Yeah," Donnie can into the room, holding a microchip.

"Hey Donnie, show us your butt. Raph says you got an ugly wart there or something. Now me and Leo have told him it's not true," Mickey said.

"I know nothing about any warts," Leo said, when Don looked at him.

"Mikey told Irma on the phone you have a wart on your butt." Raphael defended himself.

"Real mature guys." Donnie went and picked up the phone and spoke into it.

Mikey began to make kissing noises and rolled out from under Raphael

"Oh yes. Irmie, you can see my fat ugly wart on my butt any time. Oh Irmie that's not all I'll show you tonight," Mikey giggled.

Donnie took one look at his brother, "Hang on Irma, I have a Mikey to kill!"

"Um… this is the time I practice my ninja disappearing act, bye bye," Mikey took off down the other end of the lair, away from his brothers.

"Right, sorry about that, he's taken off."

"That'll be the phone!" Leo called, as he was trying to balance a book on his head. He didn't want to break his record concentration.

"You don't say?" Raph walked past Leo and picked up the phone.

"Yo, how'z it doing?"

"What did Master Splinter say about Manners on the phone?" Leo asked.

'What did Master Splinter say about you being a pain in the arse and you should mind your own butt."

Leo ignored his brother, until Raph looked at him again.

"What you looking at me like that for?"

"It's for you," Raph said.

"Who is it?"

"Oh just the Shredder making a social call, he wants to know how your mum is? It's April, stupid," Raph shoved the receiver into Leo's hands and walked off.

"Let's have a comp?" Mikey said, as he sat around with his brothers as they watched a movie.

"Why, you always loose Mikey?" Raph asked.

"Na, this one, I will win. You see."

"What kind of competition?" Leo asked.

"An answering the phone competition."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What's the point in that?"

"Who ever can come up with the best catchy phrase to answer the phone with, gets out of dishes for a week," Mikey said.

The other three paid notice of the "no dishes" part.

"What we have to do?" Raphael asked.

"Make up something, we get our judges to ring us up and they judge us on the phone answering skills."

"And who are the judges?"

"April, Casey and Irma. And I'm sure Splinter would vote if we needed him to do a tie breaker."

"Don't see any tie breakers happening Mikey," Donnie said.

"Oh come on guys, it'll be fun!" Mikey said.

"Okay, but only on one condition," Leo said to his younger brother.

"What's that?" Mikey said.

"You stop singing about doe a deer's in the shower!" Leo said.

"Yeah that seems fair enough." Mikey sat back in his chair, happy to have this kind of competition. Only his brothers didn't know he had already made up his answering line.

"When we got to have one by?" Raph said.

"Two days sounds fair enough," all brothers agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't call us, we'll call you.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles or related characters; I do own this story concept – thanks. The song sung by Raph is "Ring, Ring, Ring". I have no idea who sings it, but it is a song on this old tape that I own. Smash Hits 1991 - Unfortunately, the tape has no mention who sang it _

Raph woke up in the morning to the sound of his brother's singing in the bathroom.

Thought Leo told him to stop singing yesterday? Raph thought.

"Mikey, I told you to stop singing in the shower!" Came Leo's voice.

"Yeah good Leo, shut him up for us," Raph sighed and rolled over.

"You said not to sing the doe a deer song, this is not the same song," Mikey said, poking his head out of the bathroom, which displayed a shower cap.

"Fine then, any song from the Sound of Music!"

"Chime-chimney is from Mary Poppins, it's a completely different movie and woman," Mikey said.

"Mikey, first of all, the woman in Mary Poppins is the same one as in the Sound of Music. Secondly why in the world are you wearing a shower cap when you don't have any hair to get wet?"

"Firstly in your response – Mary had black hair and the Sound of Music chick had blonde hair – so it's a different woman. Besides they have different names in the movies. Secondly, I don't want my cradle cap to get too wet and thirdly and most importantly, why you peeking on me in the shower?" Mikey said.

"What cradle cap? You're a bit old for that aren't you? I though that was something only babies get?"

"Yeah and only human babies get it. We wouldn't get it due to the fact we are reptiles and have no hair," Donnie walked in on Mikey telling him the facts.

"So, Donnie, tell Leo that Mary Poppins is not the Sound of Music lady. He seems to be confused," Mikey closed the door before anyone could say anything else.

"Why is he talking about movies we haven't seen in years?" Donnie questioned Leo.

"How should I know what's ticking away inside that head of his? I'm a ninja, not a phycologist."

"True." Donnie replied.

Later that day, Irma, Casey Jones and April O'Neal sat along side Splinter, as Mikey informed them of why they were called down to the sewers for.

"Now, you are all here today to help judge the best telephone answering skills out of us turtles. Now I already know who's really good at this skill, but let's see how the other three fair against the greatest, I give you Leo!"

"You can clap if you like?" Mikey tried to make the audience responsive to him, only Casey bothered to clap and cheer.

"Just so you all know - this was Mikey's idea - Raph called out.

"Okay phone is ringing and Leo's going to pick it up!" Mikey was also commentating on the events to the small crowd.

"Think this is where you pick up the phone Leo," Raph called out, when Mikey pretended to make phone noises.

"Hello, you have reached the turtle residence. My name is Leonardo and how may I help you?" Leo said to his audience.

"That must have taken so long to come up with," Raph mumbled to Donnie.

"Okay, big round of applause for Leo, now it's all hands together for the one the only – Don-ster!"

Again only Casey clapped and cheered, before April stoped him.

"Bring bring!" Mikey cried.

"Hello, this is Donnie here. Do you need your hot water system fixed or maybe your computer's on the blink, then you have reached the right turtle for you. Unfortunately I have not made individual phones for all of us, so for now we must share the same communal phone."

"Okay, nice, thanks Donnie!" Mikey cried, "Next up we have our resident hothead. Now trust me, don't ring when he's blowing off steam or you're sure to cope it. Owe!" Mikey copped a clout on the ear from Raphael.

Now as far as Raph was concerned this game was a little childish for his liking, but if he got to watch Mikey doing his dishes for a month, he was happy. Besides he knew he had it in the bag.

"Hey, hey, how you doing, sorry you can't get through, why don't you leave your name and your number, and we just might get back to you, hey, hey, hey check it out," Raph rapped his little tune. Casey was bobbing along to the tune also.

"That was an excellent display of how hard you have worked on that one, my son," Splinter said.

Mikey was nervous now, everyone seemed to enjoy Raph's little rap. Now why didn't he think of that? The tune was so familiar too.

"Okay, Mikey think it's your turn," Leo said.

"Yeah top that orange boy," Raph sat down, pleased with himself. Mikey couldn't possibly make up a better one than that.

"Okay, but hang on, I need to go somewhere first," Mikey raced to the bathroom.

"Drink anyone? He'll be there awhile," Leo said, heading to the kitchen.


	3. chapter 3

**Calling on the Radio**

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Turtles; they are being borrowed for enjoyment – not profit. Also song Raph sang is "Ring, Ring, Ring" a song from 1991. I am sorry I do not know who sang it, so my apologies to the performers. _

"Mikey! Come on out?" Leo was trying to persuade the youngest turtle out of the bathroom. Mikey was not going to budge; he knew he was done for. Raph had out done him, but he did not know how. The song was catchy, but also Raph was not known for writing songs or rapping.

"He won't come out," Leo said, as Donnie came over.

"He'll have to, nature's calling me," Donnie replied, as Raphael marched over.

"Mickey, admit I beat you and come out here and face it like a turtle," Raphael banged on the door.

"That won't get him out, you know," Donnie said.

"Mikey you need to come out, people need to use the bathroom," Leo said.

"They can go outside in the sewer, that's where it all ends up!" Mikey replied.

"Mikey, that's disgusting! I am not going out in the sewers. Now come out so I can pee," Donnie called.

"Only if Raph promises not to tease me. He won the competition, so it's pointless me having a turn," Mikey said, on the other side of the door.

"Mikey this was your idea, so you have to do your performance. We all did!" Raph said.

"Raph, shut up, we're trying to get him out. You're not helping," Leo said.

"Oh you're just chewy because I've beat you at something, yet again," Raph said.

"What do you mean yet again?'

"Well, think about it, every time I do something better than you, you get uptight over it."

"Guys, I really need to go. Mikey come out now or I'll break this door down!" Donatello cried.

"Why is Michealangelo hiding in the bathroom?" Master Splinter walked over to his sons.

"Cos he's a chicken not a turtle," Raph said, making sure Mikey heard.

"He's admitting that Raph won," Leo said.

"How do you know that? Michealangelo, the judges have not decided, they cannot decide until you come out and do your part. I am correct that it was your idea, was it not to do this?'

"Yes," Mikey said after a long silence.

"I want you to come out here, for it is rude for you to hide in there when we have guests. I also think your brother needs to use the facilities in there," Splinter said calmly.

Reluctantly, Mikey opened the door; Donnie pushed him out the door and closed it.

He did not look anyone in the eye, and he gave Raphael a dirty look, as he looked at his brother's toes.

"Come on Mikey, it's your turn," April called.

"Um... I don't feel well, I would like to pull out of the competition," Mikey said.

"You can't pull out," Raph said.

"If you pull out my son that means that you have lost the competition. Are you willing to throw that away, without even giving it a try?" Master Splinter encouraged his youngest.

"Yes, Master Splinter, Raph, I'll do your dishes for the next week."

"Hang on, the judges pick the best one, they haven't said Raph won yet," Leo said.

"I'm back," Donnie said, as he ran over.

"Mikey's our washing up boy," Raph informed his brother.

"Oh."

"So who's answering machine message do you all think should we use?" Leo asked.

"Sit down and the judges will tell you what they thought of you all," April said.

"Okay, Irma will tell us what she thought," April said, as the turtles sat down to listen.

"Leonardo, you answered the phone politely and your message was short and sweet. Raphael, your message was catchy, though if I called and had to listen to it, I might forget why I was ringing. Donnie, you answered the phone beautifully. I go with Donnie," Irma said, as Donnie blushed bright red.

"See Mikey, we're right, she is Donnie's girlfriend," Raph nudged the miserable Mikey.

"Master Splinter?"

"I feel you all worked hard on your task my sons. I am proud of you. Leonardo, you were as Miss Irma suggested, polite and professional in your manner. Donatello, I found you also had a polite manner to a degree. However, you seemed to have been commenting on the fact that the phone is indeed a communal one. Raphael, a true performance, I am surprised for I did not know you possessed the skills to write your own song."

"I personally liked Raph's song; the tune sounds familiar, though that is okay. We all know you do not hold a bachelor of music. Leo you were polite, so was Donnie, but Donnie you could cut some of the pointless parts out. Casey?"

"Go Raphie! I'll ring ewes just to hear Raph's rapping!" Casey said. April rolled her eyes.

"Raphael sounds like you'll be recording your phone message for us," Master Splinter said.

Within a couple of days, Raphael's head stoped swelling. However, it swelled the most around Mikey and Leo. He recorded his rap onto the answering machine with the help of Donnie. Donnie went back to inventing something else, while everyone else went back to their usual fun. Mikey however, did have the duty of the dishes and was usually the last in bed at night.

Mikey was listening to the radio as he did the dishes when a song came on that made him stop and listen.

"Hey guys, come listen to this?" Mikey cried out into the lair. Leo was already on his way to the kitchen, so he was the only one who came when first called. Donnie was glued to the computer; Raph was watching the hockey match.

"Listen to this song," Mikey turned it up for Leo to hear. Leo's eyes widened.

"Raphael, come in here," Leo said.

"Why should I?" Raph said he was going to miss the game. Master Splinter looked over at his son, which made Raphael get up and move into the kitchen.

"Yeah, what?"

"That song sound familiar to you?" Leo asked, pointing at the radio.

"Nup," Raph said, quickly turning, not listening to the song, until then he recognised it. Raph hissed some swear words under his breath. He could see Master Splinter watching him.

"Isn't that what's on the answering machine?" Leo asked.

"Na, don't think so," Raph quickly replied.

"Donnie, can you play us what's on that answering machine for us?" Leo called out.

Donnie did not answer.

"DONNIE!" Leo yelled. Donnie jumped and looked around.

"Play Raph's message on the answering machine for me," Leo barked.

Splinter got up and moved over to where three of his sons were.

"What seems to be the problem Leonardo?"

"Listen to the song on the radio, Master Splinter. Have you heard it before," Leo looked at Raphael as he spoke. Splinter listened to the music, and then looked at Raphael. Raph gulped, he was in so much trouble now. Master Splinter was going to shame him now.

"Here's the answering machine," Donnie came in and stoped when he heard the music.

"That's Raph's song!" He cried in amazement.

Everyone looked at Raphael.

"So someone must have copied it," he said, innocently.

"Yeah, when the only people who know of it are us, April, Casey and Irma!" Leo cried.

"You cheated Raph!" Mikey said the words that everyone was thinking.

"No I never," he looked around.

"Raphael, tell us honestly how you came to write that song," Splinter asked in a calm manner. Though Raphael could see Splinter's whiskers twitching, that usually meant that Splinter knew the turtles had done something wrong.

"Well, I didn't know what to do for that competition; I thought it was kind of lame. I originally had something like what Leo had, but then I was listening to the radio and that song came on. I thought it sounded good and was sure it would help me to win the game. You gutta admit it does sound cool on the phone."

"My son, never have I seen you cheat in such a dishonourable way. Tell me why you did not tell us two days ago that you were not the original writer of that song!" Splinter was starting to crack.

"Um... I do not know Master Splinter. It didn't seem important to say so," Raphael said.

"So you basically took someone else's work and said it was your own?" Splinter said.

"That's called plagiarism and it's against the law. If you were a human and did that, then you could be in big trouble," Donnie said.

"Lucky for you, you're not a human," Mikey said, "But then again, unlucky for you, we all know you cheated."

"I want Donatello to wipe that song off the answering machine, replace it with whatever Michealangelo comes up with. Then you, Raphael will miss the rest of that hockey match and spend the next two weeks doing the dishes and the laundry. Do we all agree that is fair enough?" Master Splinter asked, as everyone nodded.

"Next time you borrow something, I suggest you mention that it is not your original work, my son."


End file.
